Old Age and Jailbait

Hello Everybody!!

so here I am still chillin in Nairobi, was supposed to go to see my friend Naomi in Kakamega last week, but my body had other plans, and gave me a good eye infection to keep me in bed for most of the week, feeling better now though...

Highlights of the last week have been a surprise bday party my dad gave me on Thursday, god I feel old... the big 28. Woke up feeling lethargic, and achy... :( :( we went to this really cool new hotel/shopping centre called Panari Sky Centre / Hotel, the place is awesome, not like anything you would expect to see in East Africa, the place is beautiful, nice furniture, wicked decor, looks like something you would expect to see in a European country. We ate at a new brazilian restaurant where it's all you can eat salad bar and meats served to you at the table.. tres cool, they give you this little red/green circular card that's about the size of a coaster, and if it's on the green side up, they will come by with all sorts of fresh meat and put it on your plate, if the card is red side up, then they won't bother you.

They got me this heavenly chocolate cake, and I drank meself a cappucino, and then it was off to a place a few floors up called Pasha. This is one heck of a coffee/sheesha lounge. Chilled there, overdosed on Apple and Strawberry Sheesha, the old people went home early, and few of us chilled and chatted before getting a partial tour of the hotel lobby (WOWEE KAZOWEE) and then back home it was. Good times no doubt.

Next highlight so far was going to Carnivore (yes I do have a problem). but we went for the Miss Indo-Kenya Beauty Pageant. umm, this was way too much fun, thanks to the obnoxious brits behind us, my smart ass comments, and the glaring and apparent lack of training and brains that these poor girls have.... I do have to say though, that it was a very organized presentation for the most part (if you have ever been to a function put on by brown people, you'll know how well they can 'organize' an event)

There was an excellent local dance troupe that did one heck of a job, good music, good moves, and great outfits, definately a class act... now that the good part is done... lol.. the girls were for the most part fairly attractive, pretty young in some cases, but not bad, 5 out of the 6 that I picked made it to the finalz, so I'd say I'm a good judge of talent no less... ;) but my god, some of these girls did not know how to walk, how to hold a microphone (honey, you're not gonna be sucking on it, so don't hold it like that) and were just plain...lets be PC and say...umm.. slow... first of all, some of the answers given were pathetic to the intelligence portion of the event... and even more pathetic given the fact that the girls knew all of the questions ahead of time... there was a few that gave very intelligent and well spoken answers, and others that answered some very tough questions with some excellent and witty responses (of course remembering them is difficult for me), oh I remember one... "Your hair is really long, how long have you been growing it?"... "Since I was little".. ummm no shit sherlock... of course throughout the whole thing, I was giving my lovely jackass answers... par example "What do you think about the sharp increase in Plastic Surgery?" .. my answer would have been "Some people are just born ugly" or "Do you feel that a Single mom can do just as good a job as a family with both parents?" .. my answer .. "Umm yeah, she only has ONE child to take care of if she's single"
anyhow, overall, not a bad show, a little too much advertising.. but that's the way things go here... oh and at the end, one of the promoters or important people was on stage, and the brits behind me said... "shut up and get off the stage, youre fat and you have a shit speaking voice" to which I laughed, and the rest of the Indian crowd gave a dirty look (hey, it was true) and this woman kept rambling and rambling.... bleh...

as for the dancing afterwards, it was amazing, good music, good times... I spotted a fairly attractive girl dancing, looked at my cousin and got the comment "She's in Alisha's (my younger cousin...14 years old) school..." at which point I realized, that I'm going to hell, on a one way ticket, and that I truly am old... when you can no longer tell the difference between 15 and 18 or 20, you are an old man, a dirty old man, and should not be going to nightclubs anymore...
ya right... like that's gonna happen.... I'm not that old (the other day I pulled a muscle in my back... wanna know how? yawning first thing in the morning) shit I mean, I think my warranty is almost up... starting to break down piece by piece... I'm pretty sure I'm not a Ford...but now to get into the car, I have to sit sideways and then turn b/c I can't bend my neck enough to clear the roof of the car.... :(

In any event, so far so good. Learnt a few new things in the last few weeks... if a mouse is bugging you, and the wheel is dirty, flip the mousepad over and use the rubber side... or .. that men have a form of PMS as well... it's called SRH ... Sperm Retention Headache...