A backpackers tale..

Received this on email, how true it is.....

To all backpackers, ex-backpackers and wannabies;

Having trouble readjusting to life back at home now that the
travelling is over? Here's a few handy hints to help you settle
back in.

1) Replace your bed with two or more bunk beds, and every night
invite random people to sleep in your bedroom with you. Ensure
at least! once a week a couple gets drunk and shags on one of the
top bunks. Remove beds one by one as symptoms improve

2) Sleep in your sleeping bag, forgetting to wash it for
months. Add some bugs in order to wake up with many unsightly bites
over your arms and legs

3) Enlist the help of a family member to set your radio alarm
to go off randomly during the night, filling your room with loud
talking.This works best if the station is foreign. Also have several
mobiles ringing, without being answered. To add to the torture,
ask a friend to bring plastic bags into your room at roughly 6 in the
morning and proceed to rustle them for no apparent reason for a
good half an hour

4) Keep all your clothes in a rucksack. Remember to smell them
before puting them on and reintroduce the use of the iron
SLOWLY

5) Buy your favourite food, and despite living at home, wr! ite
your name and when you might next be leaving the house on a ll bags.
This should include mainly pasta, 2 minute noodles, carrots and beer

6) Ask a family member to every now and again steal an item of
food, preferably the one you have most been looking forward to
or the most expensive. Keep at least one item of food far too long or
in a bag out in the sun, so you have to spend about 24 hours within
sprinting distance of the toilet

7) Even if it's a Sunday, vacate the house by 10a.m., and then
stand on the corner of the street looking lost. Ask the first
passer-by of similar ethnic background if they have found
anywhere good to go yet

8) When sitting on public transport (the London Tube would be
ideal) introduce yourself to the person sitting next to you,
say which stop you got on at, where you are going, how long you have been
travelling and what university you went to. If they say they
are going to Morden,! say you met a guy on the central line who said it
was terrible and that you've heard Parsons Green is better and cheaper

9) Finally stick paper in your shower so that the water comes
in just a drizzle. Adjust the hot/cold taps at regular intervals
so that you are never fully satisfied with the temperature. Because of
this frustration, shower infrequently. These simple but effective
instructions should help you fall back into normal society with
the minimum effort. Good luck!